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into pieces (2015​-​17)

by haddocks' eyes

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Eric Kuhlmann
Eric Kuhlmann thumbnail
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1.
little bird 03:01
2.
nick chopper/smashing machine 03:50
3.
time of year 03:03
4.
boat 04:12
5.
sins (it's coming in waves) 09:54
6.
the early steward 03:12
7.
martyr syndrome 03:52
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about

When I got out of the psych ward I was off work for a while and alone.
I discovered I had GarageBand on my laptop so I started recording things. In Newtown. cos there was nothing else to do. In an old terrace. All I had was my old nylon string guitar which only had the bottom three strings and a keyboard Heidi and Pete gave me. I spent a lot of time trying to remember songs I had written in the 1990s. But I could never remember the choruses. This is maybe what this album is about. Trying to remember the whole but only remembering little tiny bits. Little shards of reflective glass. Cutting your hands as you try to hide them in your pockets. Like watching the 'smashing machine' with Elliott. Like thinking cold fury will get you through. I pitch shifted my voice cos I couldn't stand it raw and released the resulting song fragments digitally. A few random people liked it. This is, however, the version with the voice de pitched shifted (?) cos it seems dishonest now. Who cares if my voice sucks? Who am I trying to fool?
The photo is of my son Linus in a box standing on the water tank of my parent's property. Where my life sucked. When I was drunk and he was happy. Things have changed now. Thankfully. He is a teenager now. I write speeches and I don't drink anymore. He plays playstation and sometimes we lie in the sun together on the beach. I don't really make music anymore because it makes me sad. And what I made here is very very real.
I don't think I want to be that real again. Ever.

credits

released May 10, 2017

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haddocks' eyes Sydney, Australia

haddocks' eyes is the main musical outlet for Sydney-based song-writer/composer Benjow/Douglas MacKay in the years 2015+. It is also the main archival dumping ground for various projects recorded before this.

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